Is #StayAtHome Creating Tension With Your Husband And You?
The current situation of lockdown and quarantine around the world has brought forward unexpected indirect shockwaves. It’s not just the physical aspects of life that are suffering, but we’re at a stage when mental health issues have simmered in dramatically, being homebound in isolation. Singles are suffering crushing boredom leading to depression, but couples aren’t at an advantage either. The over-exposure to one’s spouse can bring about negative feelings when they’re always with you for a long time.
Remember, it’s a two-way thing, if you’re finding some stuff annoying about him when he’s with you 24/7, he’s probably finding a few things hard to bear too! In this hard time, we’ve listed 21 ways to strengthen the relationship that could be suffering between you and your husband. After all, you’ve taken vows to stick with each other through thick and thin, right? So, keep reading!
21 Ways to Hate Your Husband Less
1. Ensure Getting Alone Time
Living with them 24/7 doesn’t mean you can’t have alone time in the same house. Countless studies suggest that everyone needs some time alone by their own selves, and it shouldn’t just be when they use the restroom. Make sure you breathe, think, nap, read, take a walk, or do absolutely anything that lets you be with just yourself for a while. Coordinate alone time with your partner so that you both can be alone together – if that makes sense. A healthy relationship needs to incorporate this to make sure both people have time to recharge and not gouge out each other’s eyes!
2. Your Bond Comes First
A relationship between a couple – and more so between married couples – is an alive and breathing thing. It’s either growing and nurturing with love or slowly dying with disconnections and expanding emotional distance. To make sure ours is on the growing end of the spectrum, we must invest time, care, and patience. If you’re on the brink of hating your partner, it’s a huge sign that the relationship has been neglected in the past few days or weeks. Make it a top priority again, and tell yourself that it deserves all your energy and free time.
3. Disappointments are Inevitable
Understand that no matter how perfect your husband could become, sooner or later, he’ll fall short. He’s only human! He won’t always succeed in being right what you expect him to be, in every point in time. Two people will often differ in expectations for each other, but it doesn’t mean they care any less. Disappointments will occur sooner or later, no matter how awesome the relationship is.
Sadly though, we have a natural tendency to overlook the good that our relationship brings and focus on the negatives. We use these ‘negatives’ to convince ourselves that the marriage isn’t making us happy. This is destructive behavior, and you should keep checking yourself against doing this subconsciously. Instead, we must accept that disappointments will take place, and they’re fine. Focus on those expectations that your husband is fulfilling, and the areas in which he even outperforms them sometimes. This will play a huge part in helping you control the hate-meter against your spouse!
4. Get Some Fresh Air
Being ordered to stay quarantined inside our houses doesn’t mean fresh air isn’t allowed. Taking a walk around the block, bike-riding, or jogging can all accomplish this purpose. Make full use of your back or front yards and spend some time under the clear skies to just breathe every once in a while. It’ll help you ease out and not explode at your significant other’s little annoying habits. Nearby parks and ponds have never been more of a blessing! Just keep the six-foot distance rule in mind when you’re out and about, and make sure to use a mask.
5. Don’t Make Negative Remarks
Putting down your partner jokingly sometimes is totally fine, as long as it makes them laugh and lightens up the moment. But never put down your partner in a serious tone, or in front of other people. Words are extremely powerful and they can make or break someone’s perspective of you. Your husband trusts you to take care of him and protect him, and doing the opposite will only bring bad things to the table. Show more love and respect, restoring hope in your relationship!
6. Resist the Urge to Stonewall When Annoyed
Yes, you may be super frustrated but being passive-aggressive, especially for longer periods of time with your spouse, can never be good. Ignoring them, delaying or avoiding to respond to their questions and just being difficult with them can be extremely annoying. It’ll not only worsen their behavior, but also communicate to them that you’ve stopped loving him. Don’t start a ‘Husband vs Wife’ environment in the house during these tough times, instead, understand each other and work as a team to get through it all.
7. Stay Connected with Everyone You Care About
Although none of us are able to meet friends and family during these times, but technology brings many alternatives to stay in touch with them. Video call people you truly enjoy spending time with and make sure those relationships stay intact too. Not only will this make their day a lot better, but will also provide you and your partner with a much-needed escape from each other!
8. Don’t Play the Blame Game
Living with your partner all day everyday will bring up petty little fights about random things, like the dishwasher, leaving the toilet seat up, or about not cleaning up after oneself. No one wins the blame game, and none of your problems can be solved with it. Take full responsibility for where you know you messed up. You could blame him all day, and win at it, but still would need to deal with the bad feeling and guilt it comes with. Taking more responsibility will motivate him to do the same!
9. Don’t Try to Change, Fix, or Transform Him
You cannot change anyone except yourself. The sooner you both realize this, the quicker your marriage will heal and grow. Notice what annoys him about you and improve yourself, he’ll notice this behavior and automatically look to transform his behavior slowly but steadily. It’s a tried and true tactic, try it.
10. Focus on What You Love about Him
We’re quick to forget that person you almost hate spending all day with is the one you couldn’t wait to marry back in the day. Remember what made you fall in love with him, and the reasons and moments that make him more special to you than anyone else. Find the love and respect you’ve had for him and make a conscious effort to not take any of it for granted.
11. Know that He Means Well
When we feel sad, frustrated, and exhausted, our mind is quick to paint our partner as ‘the villain’. Your partner can and will be your greatest ally though, that’s why you vowed to make a team with him for life! Allow your relationship to turn around and know that he means well for you. Anything that makes your mindset more positive about your marriage is going to help you hate your spouse less during this tricky situation.
12. Forgive More Often
Forgiveness is possibly the biggest tool you’ve got in cutting your partner some slack and loving them for doing the best he can. If he knew better, he’d do better, but disappointing you repeatedly is definitely not what he intends to do. Forgive him from the bottom of your heart and let him find better ways to love you. In turn, you’ll see positive changes, just give it some time.
13. Be Present
Yes, being present with them for too long is part of the problem you’re facing, but remember, you’re all he has during this and he’s all you’ve got. Whenever you’re in the room with them, don’t just hear them, but actively listen to them – there’s a difference. Don’t just assume what he’s saying whenever he starts talking, take the time to listen with an open mind, without listening just to respond. You’ll understand more, and your urge to socialize might just be fulfilled doing this with your husband!
14. Ask Him to Vent
Your partner is struggling because of these times just as much as you, possibly even more. Frustration due to over-exposure to each other shouldn’t dismiss your duties as each other’s lovers and caretakers. Welcome him to share and vent with you, and ask him verbally if he wants to talk about it all. Listen to him and let him listen to you after. Spending time with him positively like this will go a long way in hating each other less during quarantine.
15. Express Openly
Keeping emotions trapped inside you won’t make things better. You can’t just slide emotional problems under the rug, and it’s always best to honestly discuss them with your husband. Your right to say and think whatever you feel about the person you’re married to and every relationship should be built on complete and unfiltered truth. Talk about what’s been bothering you and the areas that could use improvements, and let your partner know that you’re ready to reciprocate the same. Look to solve problems instead of being cancerous and passive-aggressive about them!
16. Make the Most Out of the Free Time
Now’s the time to reconnect with each other on all levels, especially if you’re a couple who barely gets to spend time with each other during normal times. It’s definitely not ideal to be stuck at home all the time, but there’s a lot of fun stuff you can do with them. Catch up on movies and shows with them, Netflix and chill with them in the literal meaning of the phrase, and order good food and enjoy their company! It’s about time you make the most out of this lockdown.
17. Do Fun Activities or Challenges with Your Husband
There’s gotta be something you both have always fought over ‘being the best’ at. Be it cooking, dancing, baking, video games, or whatever. Do fun little activities to get competitive and spend time laughing and enjoying your partner’s presence. Other times accomplish challenges as a team such as Yoga poses, Salsa dance moves or just getting through a gruesome home workout together. Instead of hating each other, such ideas might just grow the love in your marriage day by day!
18. Express Gratitude
It is super common to take your partner for granted, and just assuming they know you’re grateful for them. Regardless, take the time to keep expressing your appreciation and love for them – especially during these trying times. Thank him for what he does right, and make him feel loved for the stuff he does for you.
19. Daydream Together
Think and talk about the goals and dreams you’ve got as a couple. Talking about future possibilities and aspirations enforces your belief in the marriage, and reminds you that you’ve taken eternal vows to be with your husband. Set big goals and break them down into monthly and daily milestones to pursue just after lockdown ends. Not only will this help you spend more positive time with each other, but it also opens doors for more success in the future!
20. Communicate Better
Never resort to name-calling, belittling, or shaming your man, neither should he do the same to you. The way you communicate with your spouse is possibly the most important aspect in determining the quality of the relationship. It shouldn’t change with good or bad times, the values of basic respect and truth should always persist. During this quarantine, we’ve got to be even more empathetic towards each other.
21. Talk about The Places You Wanna Go After The Lockdown
No one’s enjoying being trapped at home all day, every day. A great way to fight this is to imagine the future right now when you’d be able to travel wherever you want with your husband. Talk to him about the places he’d like to go first, the restaurants he misses the most, the activities he can’t wait to experience again. Tell him your imaginations too, and make bucket lists for it. It’ll all make getting through these days just a little easier!
The guidelines to work from home and restrictions on leaving the house have resulted in couples spending more time with each other than they ever have. You’d think it’s a good thing, but that’s not true for all. The overexposure to one’s spouse unravels more and more aspects about them that you either never knew, or didn’t look into that much. Sometimes, these can be good qualities, but other times (mostly) they’re just annoying pet peeves. In these challenging times, this article brings 21 effective ways to help you hate your husband less when he works from home. All the best!