Bring Out The Hero Instinct In A Man And See His Best!

How to hold your man's heart by triggering his hero instinct

By Hana O.
Bring Out The Hero Instinct In A Man And See His Best!

Call it primal instincts, traditions, or psychology, men need to feel like they're needed. From the time of cave dwellers and how they were portrayed throughout history until recently, perceptions haven't changed much. We are the damsels in distress that need saving.


It's when changing times, such as more roles and responsibilities (and power) being taken on by women in society did the issues arise. When "who did what" started being questioned, the age-old hero instinct felt challenged. If mishandled, this could cause many unnecessary problems in any relationship.


With that said, it's now our tasks, ladies to ensure that we achieve a partnership in our relationships, wherein we find a balance between independence and utilizing the hero instinct for the benefit of everyone.

What is a Man's Hero Instinct?

If men think that women are incomprehensible creatures, women feel the same way. Sometimes, men are so easy to understand that we feel we're missing out on something and therefore cause more issues. Men need to be needed and save the day. They need to feel like heroes.


And so, that's what a man's hero instinct is all about: being needed and feeling accomplished and valued; thus leading to a fulfilled, functional, and satisfying relationship. It's time to put down our control a couple of notches down, ladies, and open up to the fact that a hero husband also leads to a happy life.

Hero instinct's 12 words

James Bauer, in his popular dating book His Secret Obsession, first introduced the concept of the hero instinct. James is a relationship psychologist who has worked with thousands of relationships and carefully studied their dynamics. He believes that the key to a happy relationship is to trigger the hero instinct present in every man.
There is a "secret signal" revealed in the book which thousands of women swear by to work. The hero instinct is so profoundly hardwired in a man's genetic makeup that using the secret signal activates that instinct and transforms the relationship into a comic book "hero swoops in on damsel, and they live happily ever after" story.
The hero instinct 12 words is a list of phrases you can say to a guy to activate that hero instinct. Examples would be, "Could you help me with this?" or "You really make me happy." Meant to serve as a guide, you can expound on such phrases as only you know your partner best. We will provide some ways how to trigger that hero instinct and included some approaches to avoid.

The wrong way to trigger a man's hero instinct

While the hero instinct, when activated, will bring forth many benefits to a relationship, the wrong way of provoking it could backfire. Here are three ways how not to harness the hero instinct in your man:

1. Don't start out by being the damsel in distress

It's understandable to think that you need to always be in "danger" or requiring assistance to get your man to pay you any attention and stimulate the hero complex. However, if you wish to develop a healthy relationship, then this is not the way to go.


Some men are attracted to women who need help, but this does not automatically equate to him being interested or attracted to you. They might just like the idea and feeling of being needed in general. With that in mind, a potential partnership should not begin from this position. He might end up thinking you are a weak woman who needs constant saving.

2. Worshipping the hero

Do not take the hero instinct literally and become an avid fan of your superhero man. The hero instinct is all about becoming a part of a fully-functional team, not a god and worshipper setup. Be more like an ally, tapping into each other's competences and strengths, and tackling the daily villains of life.

3. Hero instinct, not sugar baby

Another terrible way of triggering the hero instinct is by getting spoiled at all the heroic deeds. Remember the movie Megamind? Where the superhero resident of a town got sick and tired of saving everyone and ran away to escape all the pressure? The same thing is bound to happen in a real relationship.
It may be reasonable and expected to get spoiled by your man at the beginning, but don't let this become a habit because he could start thinking that you don't pull any weight in the relationship. He is your knight in shining armor, yes, but don't let him become your sugar daddy or servant, heeding to your every beck and call.

The Right Way To Trigger a Man's Hero Instinct

Now that we know how not to treat our men and their hero instincts, let's look at ways to bring out their best the right way.

1. Compliments, compliments, compliments

This may be particularly difficult for women who don't show affection through spoken words, but it is essential to compliment your man. Show him off, not as an accessory but just because you're proud of him.


Speak positively about him to his peers, compliment him in private and in public, never belittle or put him down, and watch him become the best version of himself and in your relationship.

2. It's alright to ask for help

This may be the counterpart of men and asking for directions; but ladies, it's ok to ask for help. It won't hurt anyone's pride. Let him do the manly things around the house such as the repairs, heavy-lifting, and the like. More than feeling useful, your man wants and expects to be the first one you call for assistance, even if it's just to change a lightbulb.

3. Challenge him and make it hard

Now it's time to take a different approach to trigger the hero instinct by showing him you're his match and healthy rival. Make him "put on his cape" and compete with one another in any hobby, activity, game, and whatnot.


Watch him rise to the challenge. If you lose, he feels heroic; if you win, he's proud to have such a competent partner. You can't lose with this approach.

4. Let him know you've got his back always

He's Batman, and you're Robin. Let him know that you would always support him, no matter what. When the hero loses, you are there to tend to his wounds and nurse him back to health and in fighting form.


Furthermore, it must be known that a woman in a relationship is not the sun. Her man's world does not revolve around her. Push him to pursue a new hobby, try a sport, go out on man-dates, or whatever. You might be letting your hero have some "me time", but it shows that you trust and support him enough to do his thing.

5. Make it known how lucky you are

Lastly, it's important to remind one another how happy you are in the relationship. You might have been together for years, and things could have fallen into a routine, but take a step back and compliment that routine, because not all could establish a seamless and functioning system in a relationship.


Like two pieces in a puzzle or well-oiled gears that fit, tell your partner how lucky you are to have found someone like him; that you "just work." They do need that extra boost in ego, especially if you're one who doesn't do it often. He might be looking for a hint of validation and couldn't understand that you asking how was his day, cooking for him, or keeping the house clean is your way of expressing your gratefulness.

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The goal of triggering the hero instinct is to show your man that you were made for one another, that you can handle him, push him to greatness, and at the same time make it known that you are a keeper and meant to stay in his life.


The hero instinct is there, although sometimes dormant because of our overbearing personalities. Some men purposefully push it down as a sacrifice because of a domineering woman. Now that we know what triggering the hero instinct could do, that it benefits a relationship instead of making it toxic or narcissistic, why not make it a goal and try it out with your man?