With time, what is expected of two people who share an emotional relationship has changed drastically. Gone are the days when feelings of affection were only announced publically in the chapel, amidst the presence of the couple’s friends and families and under the supervision of a priest. The contemporary love comes in all shapes and sizes and does not have the conventional requirements that in the past had to be fulfilled by hook or by crook in order to be accepted by the society as a couple.
The newest ship, which has been present for quite some time now, recently got its title from the unnamed and ambiguous circumstances that bind two people together without ever having an ounce of certainty of what being together means to each one of you and how it would proceed; such a shared feeling of affection or something that can be mistaken for love is being called a situationship. If you are in one, you do not enjoy the privileges of two lovebirds who can be seen together all the time, with their fingers entwined amongst their loved ones without any shame, but you are usually seen alone except when it is time to go home late at night, where your so-called partner waits for something more physical than emotional.
What is Situationship?
Two people in a situationship are more than friends, less than lovers and certainly not in a casual hook-up or a friends-with-benefits arrangement. They are together just for the sake of being with someone and probably to get rid of the loneliness that haunts them.
You are never sure what is going on, except for midnight shenanigans and sex that might be too good to be given up on. Talking about your future is taboo and none of you dare ask any questions that might reflect your seriousness or emotional investment in the amorphous relationship that you are in.
The entire setting is kept extremely low-key and there are a few shaky strings attached, but they are just a compromise between having no attachments and having a lot of them. Nevertheless, a situationship has no space for an affection that is too binding and too possessive. It can be like taking a bus with no destination but is operational just for the sake of moving around in the middle of nowhere and that can be abandoned by the passengers at any point of the fate-less journey for a vehicle that looks better or has an actual destination.
10 Behavior and Signs of Situationship?
1. It doesn’t exist in the real world
If you are with someone who makes sure that you never step outside the anonymous space that they have put you in, but acts like you mean the world to them when it is 3 AM in the morning and they are over your place for some steamy fun, you should be alarmed. You are never spotted with them in public or outside the premises of the place you two meet in. None of your friends have seen them and none of their mates know you, just realize that ship is aimless.
2. Both of you are afraid of being alone
Sometimes, the major motivator for forming a nameless situationship with someone is the excruciating thought of being alone and not having someone when the need arises. Mind you, this loneliness rarely refers to an emotional void; it rather implies that they are fitting you in spaces that are meant for other things and other people, to help them feel good about themselves.
For instance, they text you to meet them at the local bar for a couple of drinks, but when you reach there, they barely talk about anything, sip on their beer, make love to you in the car and just drive off. You can be doing the same to them. It is the loneliness that sometimes forces us to opt for people who merely exist for the sake of existence, without them playing an active role in our life.
3. They keep you away from their best friends and family
Now, this is a telltale sign of being in something as uncertain as a situationship. Sharing your identity and making you meet their immediate social circle is a liability and there are going to be a lot of questions of how what and when an interrogation none of the people in a situationship is ready to answer or face. This is especially true for them mentioning you to their families or vice versa. None of you want to incorporate one another into the crowd that they share strong ties with.
4. Keeping it sexual
At times, all this affair is about is the amazing sex that you two have; nothing less and nothing more. This is different from casual hook-ups and friends-with-benefits as it has a slightly greater emotional bond than a hook-up and little elements of friendship.
5. Texting being the main mode of communication
There is no desperation to look at someone over Skype or hear their voice when you are in a situationship. The communication is limited to texting and has a little talk about anything that is significant to you or them. Even if it is just to meet up for sex, there will always be a text or two to make the plan, since nothing else is needed for something that does not serve any emotional purpose.
6. Absence on social media
There is no mention of you on their social media accounts or any record of you two doing anything together. You scroll through their feed just to find them being indifferent to the sex you had the other day or the movie that you watched, while they are thrilled about their sister having a baby or their best friend getting married, evident by all the photos that they post. They don’t want to reveal you even to the virtual world they might be overly active in.
7. You two live the night-life
The only time you two get to spend together is late at night, mostly for carnal gratification. As soon as the sun comes up, you two go your own ways till it is dark again. The daytime might be too divulging for a situationship.
8. Future is a no-go area
You two have no plans or even a casual discussion of where the entire set might be leading to. Marriage and kids are topics that are never brought up either because you two understand that this is a transitory thing or because both of you are afraid of the response that you might get if you dare question a tomorrow together.
9. Always looking for someone better
Most 'situationships' are the transition period from singlehood or a bad break up to actually finding someone you can consider for commitment or something more long-term. You might notice them or yourself looking around for other people or engaging with someone more eligible in conversations you do not normally have with the person you share a situationship with.
10.Your anxiety is gut-crushing
If you find yourself constantly vexing over the time and money that you spend with someone who has made it clear that none of this is serious, you should be sure that this is a situationship. Their ideas about the bond, the future, the things that they share with you and the vague, inconsistent communication can be a major source of your apprehension, particularly if you are someone who believes in commitment or are waiting for it to ripe into a relationship that you can live with.
Tips to Get Out of a Situationship
Be true to yourself
Be true to yourself and reconsider your priorities in life. Time is precious and it should not be spent on something that is going to bear no fruit or is not going to contribute to your well-being, think about your future-self and the harm a situationship might be causing. Ask yourself if this is really who you are or what you want. Write down the traits you wish your partner would possess and how a healthy relationship should be, compare it with what you have with the person you are with in a situationship and analyze the whole scenario to reach a conclusion.
Face the situation
Face them and ask them about their own expectations from the arrangement. If they make it clear that they are not ready for something serious or if this isn’t what they want, pack your bags.
Share your scenario with someone you trust
Try to share the whole scenario with someone you trust in your friends and family. They might help in reconciling you with your inner-self and give you the emotional support that you need to get out of something as toxic and as mentally-draining as a situationship.
Look for someone better
Go out and look for someone better. Have firm faith in the universe and realize that you are everything magical; there are people out there who would do anything to have you in their life. You can find them only if you unload the burden of a situationship, which makes you feel unworthy of having something consistent and blocks you from seeing someone else.
While loneliness can make you feel like you need someone, but it is never as bad as being with a person who you cannot talk to and with whom you are too scared to share your dreams. Every relationship in your life is directly going to affect the lens through which you look at the world around you, a painful experience might leave cracks that make everything around you seem to be evil and antagonizing.
It is better to wait and enjoy life than to enter a situationship with someone. Cut off all ties with them if you see any of the aforementioned red flags to better your mental health and to preserve your emotions instead of wasting them.